Our new friends, fellow Canadians and also temporary residents of the Prince Kuhio Condos right alongside Prince Kuhio Park on the island of Kauai, were leaving. They had used Hawaii as a midway stopover on their annual winter trip to New Zealand. Two refreshing weeks on Kauai, then a short hop to Honolulu and just six more hours in the air to New Zealand.
We enjoyed their company. On their last day, they kindly gave us a small box of their leftover groceries. My wife sorted and put them in the cupboard and refrigerator. Some were usual groceries, some more unusual. "Here," she said. “You can try this. Put it in your drawer in the bathroom.”
She handed me a whiskey-bottle-shaped plastic bottle, half full of an aqua-coloured liquid. “PLACKS” read the label in large print. “The refreshing way to REMOVE MORE PLAQUE than brushing alone.” I read on. “Clinically proven - soft mint flavour - advanced formula - plaque loosening rinse.” I put the bottle by my toothbrush.
The next morning, just before brushing, I read the instructions on the back of the bottle. Just three easy steps:
1) RINSE BEFORE BRUSHING. Use approximately one tablespoon. Rinse vigorously for 30 seconds.
2) BRUSH THOROUGHLY. By brushing your teeth in the normal manner with toothbrush and toothpaste.
3) RESULT: CLEANER, BRIGHTER, FRESHER TEETH. Use before every brushing.
I followed the instructions. Definitely a strong, pleasant mint flavour. I brushed my teeth. “Not bad,” I thought.
I read to the bottom of the bottle:
Advanced formula PLACKS is clinically proven to remove more plaque.
Plaque build-up can lead to dull-looking teeth, bad breath and an unpleasant film in your mouth.
Pleasant-tasting PLACKS helps loosen and detach plaque.
PLACKS can help you achieve a brighter smile and fresher-feeling teeth.
I looked in the mirror, smiled and decisively felt fresher-feeling teeth.
I read the list of ingredients: water, sorbitol solution, alcohol (8.7%) tetra sodium pyrophosphate, benzoic acid, flavour, poboxmer 40T, sodium benzoate, sodium lauryl sulphate, sodium saccharin, xanthan gum, FD+C BLUE #1, FD+C YELLOW #5.
I reread the list of ingredients. I decided I didn’t require, at age 75, a solution with those ingredients to “loosen or remove plaque leading to dull-looking teeth, bad breath or an unpleasant film in your mouth,” even though it promised to “help you achieve a brighter smile and fresher-feeling teeth.”
I decided not to use the remaining contents of the bottle. But what to do with it? I was reluctant to throw it away. lt stayed on the vanity in the bathroom for several more days.
Then one evening, as I spread chicken scratch quietly and covertly in the dark, in the park where I could watch from our lanai the feral roosters and hens gather at dawn, I had an idea. Perhaps a tablespoon of PLACKS drizzled over their measured amount of chicken scratch that I refilled every evening and marinated for 24 hours, could help me get rid of the remaining contents in the bottle. And each morning, as I watched the rooster-chicken-flock interaction, I might be able to see what effects PLACKS would have on the chickens.
I started with one tablespoon. The chickens devoured the treated grain as usual. There appeared to be no ill effects whatsoever. On the third day, I doubled the dosage to two tablespoons over the chicken scratch. Again, no apparent side effects. But by the fifth day, I began to notice slight changes in the hen’s and rooster’s behaviour. They were feeding, and allowing each other to feed, in closer proximity than previously. And as the sun rose, I noticed slight, sparkling glints of reflected light from the beaks of both roosters and hens. Obviously PLACKS was working, removing the plaque from their bills. Their dull-looking bills were being changed into sparkling, attractive, more appealing bills.
Other behavioural changes took place as the days progressed. The hens became more tolerant, almost attracted to the roosters. Could PLACKS be freshening the rooster's breath? Very possibly, bad rooster breath would be a turn-off to a hen the first thing in the morning. The hens were more compliant, receptive, submissive; squatting down readily to any rooster's advances.
By now the roosters' bills were gleaming, plaque free. There was less fighting, more love-making. The roosters crowed louder, longer and more often. They fought less among themselves, letting the shiniest beaks and the lack of bad rooster breath decide the winner of any hen's affection.
It was a remarkable transition. Copulating and crowing increased; bickering, fighting, chasing and bullying decreased. PLACKS was the reason, solely and entirely, for the change.
I read the list of ingredients again. Was it the 8.7% alcohol content causing the change? Could it be the tetra sodium pyrophosphate? Maybe it was the benzoic acid or perhaps the mint flavour, or even the sodium lauryl phosphate? Was it a combination of all the ingredients?
I had been so fascinated by their behaviour, I failed to notice the bottle of PLACKS was almost empty. A decision would have to be made—two more days of two tablespoons per day and then stopping—cold turkey. Or should I try to extend the withdrawal period over several days, perhaps even longer?
I chose the cold turkey. Two more days of gleaming, sparkling, plaque-free beaks. Two more mornings free from rooster breath. Two more fun-filled days of promiscuous rooster/hen activities. Two more days of enthusiastic, repeated, louder and longer crowing. The PLACKS bottle was empty.
The end came quickly. Within days of the discontinued use of PLACKS, the beaks of roosters and hens alike returned to their unappealing, dull colour. Rooster breath returned with a vengeance, turning off all of the hens, who again strongly resisted, fleeing from any rooster's advances. Fighting, bickering and bullying returned. Crowing diminished.
All that remained were the wonderful, happy memories of that one magical week at Prince Kuhio Park in January 2015—thanks to PLACKS!